It’s been a hard year. I say this knowing that it is only June and the idea of a winter slump is only but looming as the days become grey and cast a shadow on our mood here in Cape Town. But forging a journal entry and bore you all to hair gripping frustration of what the year has been like so far (A career change blog post will probably be coming soon) is not what I came to say. I’ll get to the mere sorrow of it now, no I mean the gist of it, let’s be positive people! I say this jokingly and regrettably as I , The blogger, The Writer, feel as though I’ve lost my voice. And I’m guessing that has a great deal to do with losing self confidence.
INSERT INSPIRATIONAL QUOTE HERE/I HAVE NONE
I’d much prefer my blog’s content to be uplifting, inspiring and with an odd sense of humour here and there, I guess I enjoy putting people in a good mood. But when you’re not in a good place yourself, it thus becomes harder to write posts that are able to convey a more spirited feeling in a reader. These past few months have been a creative stalemate and a less inspiring story of what I dream my days would be like. But I’ll keep my overactive imagination to myself for now (or you know, just forever). Ah but what is the point of all this rambling that I seem to always do but say I cannot write when in actual fact I can write far too much for what a reader has the time for in our so called millennial age of immediate and urgent information that hits our eyes in a flash and then disappears faster than when it arrived. Yes I digress. I guess my point is this, when you feel like you’ve slowed down tremendously in terms of work, everyday tasks, life accomplishments, adulting things etcetera, am I wrong to say that I feel like I’ve lost value in a way? Like my content is no longer relevant if it’s not at a fast paced career driven lifestyle that we love to invest in on The Gram? Oh can we speak about how blogs are now just Instagram feeds? Is there a place for a writer in an instantaneous world? Ahh so many questions!
THIS IS NO INSTA-RANT
I actually love the social media platform for multiple reasons and as a photography enthusiast and just your average individual engulfed in this overexposed visual facade we’ve created, photography and modelling is where it started. And I’m happiest creating Instagram content simply because the shoots feel less pressured and altogether a fun and enjoyable experience of picture snaps and outfit changes, which I am all about. But let’s get real, most of us have started blogs because we had something to say, rather than something to show. And finding that voice in a virtual reality of saturated imagery is quite difficult, but maybe it means we have to stand for something by writing that which is of value, and of substance.
And for the longest time I felt that I needed self confidence to exude over my blog and onto my social media platforms, and have thus hindered my own writing spirit by this unrealistic expectation that I’d always have to be confident in order to have my voice be heard. So here I am trying to find the courage to write from a space that is uncomfortably vulnerable and insecure, feeling quite anxious and wondering if my voice is worth reading or worth a listening to if I am not, and not even pretending to be, a have-it-all slash do-it-all slash taking over the world young woman, does my voice then become a white noise fine tuned out of a clear picture or could it be a melodic note, a little bit soft and a little sweet, something to which you smile and maybe even weep.
Photography by Achmat Booley
Outfit Details: Jeans – Country Road, Pullover – Uniqlo, Boots – Timberland, Coat – My friend’s closet (which I’m sure you’ll see more of in future posts), Handbag – Mors Design (an online sustainable fashion brand from S.A)